When I feel happy and at peace, I’ll think of every other friends/pple around me who are ‘suffering’ or ‘slogging’ hard at work (these pple don’t include BH as since he has me.. he’s the luckiest man in the whole wide world.. haha) Then I’ll ask myself “what have I done to deserve this happiness I have now” It just mks me feel like inflicting pain to myself and ‘suffer’ so as to join the crowd of unhappy pple…
Let you into a little secret… friends who know me for a long time might have noticed that I have a bleeding or swollen thumb , which I used a plaster on (at times) when it gets very bad. Well, for years, I’ll just peel the skin of my thumb and mk myself feel the pain because I’m just so stressed and unhappy with life. Looking at my thumb now, it looks normal – I just don’t do that anymore!
haha… do i sound nuts? I used to find it hard to tell pple that I’m happy… now I can say that I AM HAPPY and feel HAPPY at the same time… oh yes… my brain is in-sync with my heart.
and then u may think… “duh!! If i’m like u… I’ll be happy everyday too!!” The problem is you are not me, I do have many issues that ‘threatens’ me being happy
These issues mks me think that why should be happy? I have been happy for 2 years.. it needs to stop. Ok…I should let all these issues overcome me and be unhappy! I shall be unhappy… just because I haven’t done anything in the past few years to be happy… I don’t deserve to be happy
Now’s the question: To be (happy) or not to be?