This week flew by really fast.. in fact everyday seem to fly!!
I am trying to enjoy and cherish every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every mth, every year with BH. Maybe it’s because I’m not working – I feel so weak and dependent on BH.. Personally, I think this is bad – throughout my r/s with BH in the past years, I have NEVER felt like that. I just feel that he needed me more than I needed him.. now it’s the opposite? does it mean that love grows on you?
Both of us don’t like to say it often but we are constantly worried about what will happen after 1 year.
“I can’t imagine what it will be like w/o u ard… Imagine.. NO LUNCH BOX!” BH made this random comment. I secretly felt good about myself, then again, I can’t help it but to wonder if he’s mocking me indirectly?
It’s selfish for me to tell BH to put everything here behind and go back to SG. I was telling BH what we can do with the $ that we saved if we go back ! Like how we could have more than enough to renovate our home? buy cool furnitures… blah… ” What the use of all these material things if we are not happy? “ He said. How true… We don’t have much here and we’re happy just doing the same old things every week!
“Don’t leave me …” I told him but I know I will be leaving him eventually. It’s just not me to use the money we painstakingly save on something which we cannot see, something not physical, something we cannot hold on to!
I think I need the courage to face reality. 1 more misconception about marriage: You will not leave each other
It’s weird.. but I think I’ll miss not seeing him out the door every morning for work, telling him to “come home early” ( which he rarely does), cooking for us, preparing his lunchbox or even not doing all the silly ‘uncle and auntie’ stuff. This makes me sad .. yes yes.. I even tried to think of a billion bad things BH did to make me wanna leave him and I just can’t think of any.. only thought of something else he said
“You don’t have to be a sucessful career woman – just be my wife. You are good at it”
I thought I always knew what I want. Now, I’m stuck again