I took a last look at my favorite dress and stored it away… “Maybe I can fit into it again..”
I gave away some of my clothes as I do not think I can wear them anymore.
I teared when i see my new weight on the scale. How am I going to lose all this weight?
I cried quietly as I realised that I might be doing all my favorite things for the last time.
Things will never be the same again.
May 26, 2017 was the day I found out that I was pregnant. It was a few days before my flight to SG for a short vacation.
I had mixed feelings… and didn’t know what to expect. Bing was surprised too.. his reaction was “So fast???” and awkwardly gave me a hug.
My first instinct was my in-laws got their wish.. they must be so happy that i will be suffering and going through this pain alone. What if the baby is not perfect? What if there’s something wrong? What if they are upset about the gender? Me, as the mother, will be bearing all the responsibilities. Everybody will fault me. Well, I still feel this way.
I tried to hide my condition for as long as I can. I didn’t really want anyone to know… It’s weird when people congratulate me… Congratulate me for the future sleepless nights? for sore nipples? for having to deal with a fussy and whiny kid?
On the other hand, Bing is always busy. It’s just hard to get him to go to doctor’s appointments with me. He tries to come along but I feel that he’s 1/2 hearted. I still cook and do the groceries – he is too engrossed with his work to help. On most days, I felt that I am not getting the support and love I need. It’s like he couldn’t care less that it’s the last few months/weeks/days that it will be ‘us’.
The day is drawing near.. I am not looking forward and dreading the day… I know it’s gonna be difficult. I have all these worries about baby – its a whole lot of unknowns! In the states, we only have the ultrasound once. I had it twice because the first one was not clear. This makes me even more anxious :/ I can only pray that baby will be just fine and all my worries are unfounded.
So, how’s 2018 going to be for you? I know it will be challenging for me. Not only 2018 but the years ahead for me. Bing had been really busy with work.. sure, he said he will help.. but I know he will still let work take over his family life.
I guess getting pregnant was the BIGGEST thing in 2017 for me. I thought I will get a new job and jump start on a career in 2017 but it did not happen. I was miserable … now I don’t think it is going to happen anytime soon. In 2017, my joy came from Ringo, our sweet boy! He had a grand total for 3 dog trick titles this year! He is now an advanced trick dog!! Sadly, I am unsure if we can continue with this next year. He also recently developed an allergy on his right eye. We had been bringing him to the vet for the past few weeks and there’s not much improvements. I hope he will get better soon and be a healthy+happy dog in 2018 and years to come.
That’s all for now. Happy New Year!