Just the beginning

If you think birth and labor is hard, try taking care of a new born.

Since the first week, Meghan does not have good skin. Instagram seem to have a nice way of covering skin flaws. I thought it would go away within weeks but it only got worst. First, it was ‘cradle cap’ – her scalp is flaky and dry. Then came the rashes on her body, which doctor diagnosed it as eczema. I was devastated. Why does only my baby have this issue? What did I do wrong or didn’t do? There’s no such thing as flawless baby skin for my baby. I was beyond upset and embarrassed to bring my baby out.

According to the doctor, eczema could be genetic or due to food allergy. We both do not have eczema, maybe its food allergy since Meghan is taking breast milk.

There are many allergens to eliminate. This makes eating very difficult and troublesome. I wanted to feed Meghan the best – breastmilk but I harmed her instead. You have no idea how much tears I wept. I looked at her innocent face as rashes spread through her small body. My heart breaks. As she grows and when she knows how to scratch, that’s when these rashes will get worst. I have to keep them under control.

It’s been 2 weeks with my new diet. We have been using cream on her. The rashes are still there. Yes, it did get a little better, just a little but it’s mostly still there. Cradle cap situation also makes her skin peels and just simply look bad.

With breast feeding, you need the extra calories for milk. Changing of diet just changes the dynamics of my breast milk and even hurt my supply. What am I going to do with the breastmilk I painstakingly froze before I go with this new diet?

I feel so angry and resentful – mostly with Bing’s family. If we didn’t have Meghan we will not have this issue. We are now stuck with her and her skin problems. Who knows what else we will face?

Next step, to see an allergist and the dermatologist.

I am feeling so hopeless and wish that nothing like this ever happened.